Demi's Diary
by Stephy-Dearestxxo
Summary: Oh, the things she'll never say to anyone but her diary. It's her secret keeper. and it all starts with "Dear Diary..."
1. July 18th, 2010

_July 18__th__, 2010_

_Dear Diary,_

_ Today I learned I'm a selfish person. I don't want to believe it, but, I am. Jesme made me realize that. All these tears I wish I could spill would be all over this page at the moment. I've never fought with Jesme like this before. It hurts…a lot. Maybe we just shouldn't be friends. I've become too much of a bitch over the years. No wonder no one likes me. I think I should perhaps leave the Coven for a little bit. Maybe go back home and go visit my gravestone…tell myself it would have been better if whoever it was that turned me made a mistake. I wish I could turn back time and undo all those times I hurt Jesme . The scars I bear are too much for me. How many times will it take for me to learn it's not about me? I guess the philosophy of making it about myself is still stuck in my head from when I was a nomad and living by myself and providing for myself without a single person in the world to care for except myself. I think it's about time I got off my high horse and make room for those I care about inside. *sigh* I've said I'm sorry a million times, but, I think what I've done is too unforgivable. Maybe when me and Leo go off to Paris I'll relax a little. Maybe not. I wish I knew. I think..I'm going to leave…it's better if I do. Leo, if you find this…I'm sorry and I love you. _

_Demi. _


	2. July 19th, 2010

_July 19__th__ 2010_

_Dear Diary,_

_ Earlier today I lost the most important person to me other than Leo. I lost Jesme. My best friend for over 100 years. I asked Leo if we could go to Paris so we could relax, but, he didn't answer, so therefore, it was a stupid idea. I think I might as well just give up on getting what I want. I'm going to be sinking into a deep depression soon, I can feel it. I've put away all the pictures and reminders I have of me and Jesme as friends now. I guess I might as well deal with this the best way I can…thru music or some other way I find fit. You know diary, as I look thru some of my older entries, I can see that this friendship has been coming to a boil for the longest time now. Maybe it was for the best that me and...her…aren't friends anymore. You understand right diary? Of course you do, you're my best friend now I suppose. I lost both my best friends. First Edward, now, Jesme….who next? Merik? God, I certainly hope not. If I lost Merik, I don't know what in the world I'd do. Diary, maybe it's better if I left for a bit. I don't know. What should I do? GAH! I can't believe this….I'm a frickin mess. Yup, I admit it. Maybe I should go to therapy. It might be better if I do that for awhile. Otherwise, I have no flipping clue on what to do. I mean, if I try to talk to…her… she'll bitch me out like no tomorrow. I think I'm just going to drive into town later and go set up an appointment with a therapist. I think that's the only way I can sort out my emotions for now. I guess I'll talk to you later diary._

_Demi_


	3. July 20th, 2010

_July 20__th__, 2010_

_Dear Diary,_

_ Hey diary…I think I've made up my mind about leaving. No…no I haven't. I wish this could be easier. But it's not. I'm sitting in my room right now, staring at an open suitcase and listening to my iPod. Which, is playing 'Love The Way you Lie' by Eminem. It kind of fits how I'm feeling right now. Kind of funny. When I'm depressed, which is a good 50 percent of the time, I write or listen to music that matches my damned mood. I wish I could be happy like I was years ago. Back when the rules of society were better than they are now. Minus the women can't vote thingy mah bob. I do miss the good ol' 1900's. I miss the balls, my mother, my father, Julia, Christopher Robin, and our nanny, Melinda. She was amazing. Oh diary, you should hear the entries I made in my very first diary. Those were the happier entries. I've gone through many diaries over the years. I suppose you're my more recent one. The one of 2010. Hmmm…funny..If I keep diaries by the years, which I do, I have…*does math* 125 diaries! Holy frickin crap. That's a lot..but, I have all of them..saved. and after this year diary, you'll be joining them in the boxes of diaries. And the diary of 2011 will join me. But, anyways, back to subject. Should I leave for a bit to clear my head or not? I'm highly debating it..if I leave…I hurt people..I hurt Leo, and I would hurt Jesme if she were still my best friend…I'd hurt Merik, and God knows who else I'd hurt. Shit..this is tough…Oh diary, tell me what to do! I have no flipping clue what to do! I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to stay here and deal with seeing ...her… Man, I now know how Robin felt when he had to make this decision. God rest his soul. I hate this feeling of choosing. It reminds me of the first major decision I made after becoming a vampire. Do I want to continue this life or not? Of course I choose to continue it or I wouldn't be here writing this to you today. Man, I'm a loser. Well, I suppose I should stop writing in case I take up too many pages and have to get a new diary before 2011. I'll talk to you later diary._

_Demi_


	4. July 21st, 2010

_July 21__st__, 2010_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today I drove into London after many debating hours. On my way there, I was listening to my CDs and pondering over whether this thing was the right thing to do or not. Of course, my thoughts that I wanted this for myself won, so I did. Upon arriving at Aveda Health and Services, I stood outside debating with myself if I should go inside or not. Of course, I did. When I went in, I held my hoodie close to me, as well as my bag. When I found the right half of the building I needed to be in, I walked up to the desk, and stared at the receptionist. She had dark blonde hair, and blue eyes, fair skin. I could smell her blood, and it smelt delicious. I haven't hunted in awhile, so, of course ,she 'd smell good to me. Don't worry diary. I didn't eat her. I went up to her and she asked if I had an appointment and I said I did with Doctor Melody Shepherd . The receptionist told me she'd be with me shortly. I nodded, and sat down. Soon enough, Doctor Shepherd came and got me, and we soon started my first session. She asked me what brought me there, and I told her everything. Well, not about me being a vampire. But, everything else, about losing Jesme, and all that other stuff that made me messed up in the head. After the session was over, I left back for the castle. I had to stop for gas on the way home, cause otherwise, I never would have made it home and I'd have to call someone and that would have been very embarrassing. So, I filled my baby up with gas and started for home. When I got back, I slipped in without hopefully anyone noticing me, and came up here to my room. Then I found you, and started writing my entry for today. Heh. I'm a writing junkie. Oh well. You know diary, maybe seeing Melody will help me more than I know. Oh well, we'll just have to wait and see. My next appointment is next Thursday at 3:00. Hopefully no one finds out about this. We'll see in time. Love you diary._

_Demi _


	5. July 22nd, 2010

_July 22, 2010_

_Dear Diary,_

_ This may be one of my shorter entries. I have a gut feeling that Leo is going to break up with me…and when he does…I'm going to need my therapy, music, and you more than anything. And Kodi. She kinda has taken over the role of best friend for now. She's a really good friend, and thankfully, doesn't think I'm crazy. So, diary, as I tell you this…I will get back to you if and when Leo breaks up with me. I hope he doesn't..he's the love of my life. I really do love him. But, we'll see what happens. So..I'll write you later._

_Demi_


	6. August 8th, 2010

_August 8__th__, 2010_

_Dear Diary,_

_I was right, Leo broke up with me. Now, I'm sick with something I have no clue what it could be. I feel like I'm dying all over again. Though, this time, I'm all alone. The only friend I have with me is Archie. I don't have my mother, or my father, Julia, or Christopher Robin. I don't even have our nanny. They have all left me one way or another. And I can't believe it. I'm sorry I haven't written you in like two weeks, but I've had so much going on. I was sicker, like throwing up blood and junk, but, its slowly dwindled down and I'm feeling somewhat better. I just have a pounding headache and an upset stomach. As soon as I'm feeling better, I'm going hunting. I need something to drink. Badly. Oh well diary, I'm going to leave you now, I'm going to surf the web on my laptop. I will write you later. Love you lots diary!_

_Demi_


End file.
